The Essential Guide To Finding Your Own True Love

Like pretty much every other aspect of our lives, finding a mate has moved online. Online dating services have proliferated and cover virtually every niche interest and age group. While the success rate of finding true love online is as varied as the number of people you talk to, without question people of all ages are connecting online. There are the Big Kahuna sites like Match.com and eHarmony. And then there are the niche market sites specific for those seeking someone of the same religion, like JDate.com for Jewish singles and ChristianSingles.com for Christian singles. There are groups for meeting fellow pet lovers, people with herpes, and people who smoke cigarettes and weed.

And of course there are sites specific to age, like OurTime.com for post 50s, and Over70dating.org for those over 70. In dealing with any online dating site, there is an abundance of cautions to avoid being scammed. There is nothing new about victimizing lonely people. And as for the results, well, successful match-making outcomes are as varied as the number of people with whom you speak.

But what about the old-fashioned ways of meeting your true love, especially if you are middle-aged and haven't been out on a date in what feels like centuries? Where do you begin if you're out of practice? How have the dating rules changed since you last played the game? Here are some ideas to get you started in your quest for romance:

1) Be clear about what you you want.
It's perfectly OK to say you are marriage-minded. It is equally OK to say you are not, and that what you really want is a pleasant little fling. What's not OK is dishonesty -- to say you want one thing just to get another. Not being clear about what you want upfront is a surefire way to heartbreak and disappointment. Practice honesty, starting with being honest with yourself.

2) Give people a chance.
At 20, you could tell from across the room and before she opened her mouth whether you wanted to ask her out. Yes, that was hormones working. At 50, it behooves you to slow it down and have a conversation or six before you reach any final judgments. First dates are sometimes awkward, especially for those who haven't had them in awhile. Don't be so quick to reject someone.

3) Stop seeing friendship as a consolation prize.
Friends are our currency for a happy life. Whether it's someone you can call for a last-minute movie or just to say "hey, I felt like cooking today. Want to come for dinner?" these people can enrich your existence. Yet we all remember the girl in high school who told us she "only" wanted to be friends. Being a friend is not the same as runner-up in the beauty pageant. In some ways, it's almost better than the romantic involvement you didn't get. Nobody has enough friends, nobody.

4) Look in the right places.
This is the old "bar or church?" question. Where you go to meet people matters a great deal. You need to go where they gather. And where that is, again, depends what you are looking for. If it's a serious relationship you want, ask your clergy, close friends, and family members for help. Ask them to introduce you to people they know who might want the same thing you want. If that feels too bold, at least let them know that you are ready to date. These are the people who know you best.

5) Feel good about yourself.
The greatest romantic elixir in the world is self-confidence. No one else will appreciate your value if you don't. Project confidence and the planet is yours to lasso. And learn to differentiate between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is a turn-off.

6) Join in, don't shut in.
Mr. Right is not going to come knocking on your front door. You need to leave the house to meet him. Accept invitations. Go on community hikes, attend plays and concerts, follow whatever interests you. But do follow it -- and get out of the house.

7) Be open to the adventure.
No, you probably didn't expect to be hunting for a mate at this point in your life. And at times, it feels depressing and daunting. But if you approach it as a fun adventure -- laugh at the missteps, shrug off the mishaps, show up for each coffee meet with a smile and genuine interest in the person you are meeting -- eventually you will strike pay dirt. On the other hand, Mopey Marys and Angry Als rarely get anywhere. Who wants to be around someone who can only talk about how much they hate their ex and how screwed up their lives are?

8) Go beyond the dating services online.
Facebook reconnects old friends and is an excellent place to find high school sweethearts, old flames from college, former next-door neighbors who you flirted with. Why hunt for someone brand new when The Special One might actually be resting dormant in your past?

9) Expect some setbacks.
Yes, you thought you had landed Prince Charming when the two of you met at the neighbor's holiday party and he engaged with you all night. You even texted friends the next day to tell them about him, how smart and funny he was, how comfortable you both felt. And then he vaporized in thin air, never to be heard from again. It happens. Science can't explain it either but just know that sometimes a magical evening is magical for just that evening. Enjoy those precious hours, how great they made you feel, and move on knowing that forces beyond your control capped your time together. So be it.

30 Ways To Be A More Generous Partner

Successful, happy relationships are filled with generosity.

Often overlooked, being selflessly kind, is incredibly crucial in relationships. In fact, it's one of the top three indicators of a happy marriage, along with sexual satisfaction and commitment. According to a study by the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project, couples who reported a high amount of generosity in their relationship were five times more likely to say their marriage was "very happy."

And luckily, whether you're married or in a relationship, being mindful can be effortless — it just takes small gestures.

See 30 super simple ways to be more generous below.

1. Give your significant other a genuine compliment. Without expecting one in return.

2. Surprise your partner with their favorite meal. Even when you were really craving sushi.

3. Make him or her coffee in the morning. You may have to get up a little earlier, but making their morning will be worth it.

4. Wake your sweetheart up with a massage. Is there a better way to rise and shine?

5. Hold his or her hand. In public and on the couch at home.

6. Hand over the remote. As hard as it may seem at the time, remember it's just television. It's not worth the argument.

7. Leave a handwritten note in their pocket. Even one that simply says "I love you" shows how important they are to you.

8. Pick up their favorite snack on the way home. It's a small gesture, but one that shows you were thinking of significant other.

9. Tell him or her how sexy they are. Who doesn't want to hear that? Keeping things flirty and reminding your partner you're attracted to them goes a long way.

10. Let it go. The dishes, the clothes on the floor, the milk he forgot at the store. Forget the little things.

11. Get your partner to crack a smile after a long day. It'll make them forget whatever they were stressed about.

12. Let him or her have the last bite.

13. Make reservations at their favorite restaurant on your next date night. 

14. Share. Whether it's some of your Ben & Jerry's or your blanket, remind them what's yours is theirs.

15. Make a list of things you love about your partner. And share it with them. They'll feel loved and appreciated.

16. Listen. Without interruptions. It shows you care and will help you communicate better. Even when you're arguing, it's important for them to know they can express themselves and they'll be respected.

17. Cooperate. Think things through before making impulsive decisions or jumping to conclusions.

18. Cheer him up. Even when you're having a bad day.

19. Say "Thank you". For the little things and the bigger ones.

20. Do a small task for your partner. Whether it's taking their clothes to the cleaner's or washing their car, helping them out when they're busy lets them know you're a team.

21. Breakfast in bed. Who wouldn't appreciate that? Can't go wrong.

22. Make reservations at the vegan or BBQ restaurant they've been dying to try.

23. Put yourself in their shoes. Thinking about how your partner feels, whether you're in an argument or not, will help you understand them better.

24. Surprise your partner with their favorite dessert.  Brownies, cronuts, Skittles, whatever it may be, Treat your love with treats.

25. Show your support their goals. Your support means everything to your significant other. Remind them you're rooting for them.

26. Send your partner a loving text before a presentation or tough day. Remind them you're their biggest fan.

27. Start a sentence with "I love when you ... " Expressing admiration for your partner shows how much you value who they are.

28. Give a small gift. For no occasion.

29. Forgive. For that one thing you were still holding against them.

30. Kiss your partner goodbye. Each and every time.

What To Talk About On A First Date

You can spot a couple on a first date from a billion miles away. Two reasonably dressed individuals sitting at a coffee table, occasionally making eye contact. She looks nervous and maybe a little awkward. He’s fidgeting a little bit and looking at the coffee menu.

They both scan the room, they both smile at their surroundings, and the biggest clue of all?

They engage in mild small talk.

Him: So. How’s your mocha frappuccino?

Her: Pretty good! How’s your plain black coffee?

Him: Not bad!

More awkward silence ensues. More jittering and needless smiling occurs.

Ugh. First dates can be stressful and unpleasant, depending on who you’re having the date with. And sometimes when you’re getting to know someone, you feel like you really can’t be yourself because you’re worried about what the other person will think about you. First impressions count in this world and we all know it.

But it doesn’t have to be this one. Frankly, I love first dates. Why? Because you get to discover something new and it’s fun interacting with somebody that you don’t really know too well, but it’s always difficult to find the right things to talk about. In this article, I’ll outline a few great conversation topics and questions that will surely turn that date into a potential love interest.

Try talking about these things…

1.) Favorite movie of all time? Why?

2.) Any pet peeves?

3.) What kind of kid were you? 

4.) What’s your life goal?

5.) Do you have any role models?

6.) Have any nicknames? And how did you get them?

7.) What’s your idea of an ideal weekend?

8.) If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would that place be and why?

9.) Tell me about your past travels.

10.) What do you hate about dating? Tell me so I can avoid doing that!

These are great conversation starters. However, there are some topics that you want to avoid as well.

Try avoiding talking about politics and religion. These are two topics that can be super sensitive to people. Those are topics that should be brought up much later in the dating process.

You should also avoid talking about work. Anything to do with the mundane, the boring, and the sensitive should generally be avoided.

Health Benefits of Kissing

Kissing is a uniquely human trait that’s said to have emerged as a way to pass germs from one person to another, ultimately building immunity. But that’s rather unromantic, isn’t it? While it seems plausible that kissing would have an underlying biological function, there’s also no denying its role in bonding… or overall health.

Kissing not only feels good, it’s good for you. It relieves stress and releases epinephrine into your blood, making it pump faster, which may result in a reduction of LDL cholesterol. Kissing may even be a novel way to receive certain hormones, like testosterone:

“'Mucous membranes inside the mouth are permeable to hormones such as testosterone. Through open-mouth kissing, men introduced testosterone into a woman’s mouth,' which 'is absorbed through the mucous membranes… and increases arousal and the likelihood that she will engage in reproductive behavior.”1

Interestingly, Andréa Demirjian, author of Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about One of Life's Sweetest Pleasures, believes “a kiss a day really can keep the doctor away.” And she recently shared eight reasons why with CNN:2

1. Reduce Your Blood Pressure

Kissing helps to dilate your blood vessels, which may help lower your blood pressure.

2. Relieve Cramps and Headaches

The blood-vessel-dilation effect described above also helps to relieve pain, particularly from headache or menstrual cramps.

3. Fight Cavities

When you kiss, saliva production increases in your mouth, and this helps to wash away plaque on your teeth that may lead to cavities. That said, cavity-causing bacteria can also be transmitted via a kiss, especially if the person you’re kissing has poor oral habits. It’s even been shown that cavity-causing bacteria can spread from a mother’s kiss to her baby.3

4. Release Your Happy Hormones

Kissing prompts your brain to release a happy elixir of feel-good chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. This isn’t only important for your happiness, it also may also help to strengthen your relationship. As MSN reported:4

“’This [oxytocin] is the hormone of love, and the better the oxytocin levels, the more capacity for love,’ explains psychotherapist Arthur Janov, Ph.D., author of ‘The Biology of Love’ and the director of the Primal Center in Santa Monica, Calif. ‘We have found that those who cannot commit in a love relationship are low in oxytocin.’”

Interestingly, kissing activates the same areas in your brain linked to reward and addiction.5 According to the researchers who revealed this finding:6

“Kissing may have evolved as a way to stimulate brain systems associated with sex drive, romantic love, and attachment so that humans are triggered to seek a variety of potential mates, then focus attention on one for mating, and finally be able to tolerate that mate long enough to raise a child as a team.”

Your lips are also densely packed with sensory neurons, which are stimulated by the touch of another’s lips. This prompts the release of sebum, which is thought to play a role in bonding.

5. Burn Calories

It’s not going to replace your workout session… but a vigorous kiss may burn 8-16 calories. Not too shabby for a kiss.

6. Boost Your Self-Esteem

One study found that men who received a passionate kiss before they left for work earned more money.8 This suggests the kiss (and perhaps the happy home-life it suggests) makes people happier, boosts self-esteem and, ultimately, more productive at work.

7. Tone Your Facial Muscles

A vigorous kiss helps you shape up your neck and jawline by working out a number of facial muscles.

8. Check Out Your Partner’s Compatibility

A kiss can be a powerful measure of your initial attraction to a person, so much so that the majority of men and women surveyed reporting that a first kiss could be a turn-off. Women, in particular, place more importance on kissing as a “mate assessment device” and as a means of “initiating, maintaining, and monitoring the current status of their relationship with a long-term partner.

Kissing May Even Boost Your Immune System and Provide Significant Stress Relief

The average person spends more than 20,000 minutes of their life kissing,10 and for very good reason. In addition to the benefits above, kissing has been shown to boost your immune system and reduce allergic responses in people with skin or nasal allergies.11

Separate research also revealed that people who spent six weeks making kissing a priority with their partners reported significant decreases in their levels of stress. In addition to improvements in stress, the kissing participants also reported greater relationship satisfaction and improvements in total cholesterol.12

There may actually be an even more primal reason for why “kissing” developed, however. Because some cultures don’t include kissing in their mating rituals, it’s possible the first kiss was given by a mother to her child rather than being shared between a couple.

Psychologists conjecture that kiss-feeding – exchanging pre-masticated food from one mouth to another -- was how babies received the nutrients needed to grow up strong and healthy either in addition to, or after, breastfeeding. This jump starts the digestion process and makes vitamins like B-12 more easily absorbable while also promoting attachment and bonding.

5 Ways to Be a Sexier & More Confident Date

Confidence is one of the sexiest things about a woman. It shows that she has other character traits that men love -- the ability to stand up for herself, empowerment, good looks, and sassiness. Not only that, but confident women embrace their assertiveness over their own sexuality -- and they know what they want.

Confidence is knowing that you're worth a lot and that you have value to add. It's a deep feeling of certainty about who you are and what you stand for.

But dating, especially after a divorce or break-up, can leave women with their confidence shaken to the core. Sometimes being confident is easier said than done.

Here are some tips for being confident while dating.

Remember, comfortable is not the same as confident. To be empowered, you must get in touch with your innermost self and learn to feel certain about who you are and what you stand for. This can pull you squarely out of the "I guess he's good enough" rut and into a relationship you deserve.

Start small. The more confidence you have in a single area of your life (For example: I am excellent at snowboarding), the more it will seep into other areas of your life. It's hard to look at the big picture and say, "I WILL be confident in ALL of these things." So start small, build that confidence.

Fake it until you make it. Sometimes, the very act of approaching a great guy, or making eyes at someone, or taking that first step into dating, can create a cascade effect. The more you do it, the easier it'll become. And the more confident you'll become about doing it again.

Channel your inner diva. If you're feeling like you're blowing a first date, think of your favorite diva and how SHE would react. Pretty soon, that inner diva will be you.

Smile. There's very little sexier than a killer smile. It's your first impression, and it's likely to last a long time.

Why Eating Yogurt Can Help You lose Weight

Can Eating Yogurt Help You Lose Weight ?

A new study claims that the regular consumption of probiotics could help accelerate weight loss in women.

Published jointly out of food and yogurt giant Nestlé and Université Laval in Quebec, the research suggests that obese women who add probiotics to their diet plan -- most commonly found in yogurt -- could lose twice as much weight as those who don’t.

Based on the premise that the intestinal flora of obese people differs from thin people -- likely due to a diet high in fat and low in fibre -- scientists set out to see if the consumption of “good bacteria” could help reset the balance of gut microbiota.

To test out their theory, researchers recruited 125 overweight men and women who were put on a 12-week weight loss diet, followed by another 12-week maintenance program. During the 24-week period, half the participants were instructed to take two pills of probiotics daily, while the other half received a placebo.

After the first period, women who took probiotics lost an average of 4.4 kg (about 10 lbs) while their placebo counterparts lost 2.6 kg (about 6 lbs).

By the end of the 24-week period, women in the probiotic group had continued to lose weight for a total of 5.2 kg per person (about 11 lbs), while the placebo group remained stable.

Overall, the results showed that women who took probiotics lost twice as much weight over the test period as those who took none. The probiotic group also experienced a drop in the appetite-regulating hormone leptin and a decline in intestinal bacteria related to obesity.

Interestingly, researchers note that the consumption of probiotics made no impact on male participants.
Probiotics are thought to work by altering the permeability of the intestinal wall and helping keep pro-inflammatory molecules from entering the bloodstream, thereby preventing the chain reaction that can lead to weight-related illnesses like glucose intolerance, type 2 diabetes and obesity.

The research was published in the British Journal of Nutrition.